permission to land
on saturn, again and forever
I am thinking about how brave it is to surrender to emptiness, to not knowing. I don’t know anyone who is not induced into some degree of fear when faced with the unknown. Personally, i’ve never experienced such a wide, overwhelming, collective “??????!!!!!!” as these past two years. I’ve also never surrendered to the happening of life with so much pliability. The idea of us all just being here to walk each other home feels especially salient given that we are learning- for better or for worse- how we desire to be in relationality with each other through a very particular circumstance.
How do we want to emerge from this incubation? What have we been paying attention to? Today someone said to me: “Breathing is like god. So simple.”
Barbora Žilinskaitė’s Storyteller. wood dust, ply, pigment, varnish, glue, 2021.
I initiated my 30th waddle around the sun with an intention to be present. To try and re-author, even if by 0.069%, how it feels to host and to celebrate my self. Historically, the event would be self medicated, aloof, sometimes forgettable (by virtue of my headlessness), and mostly an attempt to not spiral into a panic. I am wired for internal catastrophe. I am also a cellular engineer: an apprentice laborer in the system upgrade of the spirit. Existing in this paradox is spicy!!!! My 30th birthday left nothing to be desired because i leaned into the magic of reveling in miracles and an open heart. as my chosen sister Alicia says: “WE ARE RIIIIICH!!!”
~*JuSt aQuARiUs tHinGs~*
Sometimes regulating means visualizing this:
Do you want to try it too? I would be SO hyper and thrilled if you shared your vision with me
Lastly, i know i’m tragically late, but i just watched Solange’s when i get home. An honor to witness this example of Black excellence. So spiritual, stunning, hot and cool and mesmerizing. How privileged are we to live at the same time as visionary artists like these? The sampled moments with Goddess Lulabelle really resonated. This is Lulabelle sharing wisdom about saturn’s return. She said: “Saturn comes around and says ‘hey are you gonna live or are you gonna die?’” She speaks to the ancestral karma that often rises to the surface in these cycles; the idea that we may be here to settle an ancestor's unfinished spiritual business. She warns against trying to fight against the energy of the saturnian cycle because “if you fight the energies of saturn- you can’t! You’ll wear yourself out.” She says “Go with it, let’s not be afraid of the changes” as if it were a firm hug. I really felt that.
thank u love u,